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Hisam, a modern Uighur self-made joker, who lives in Ghulja city, is famous for his jokes and folk tales. Hisam's jokes reflect modern-day life of the Uighurs, his jokes bring liven the Meshrep. Many people refer to him as a living Nasirdin Efendi. |
Hisam’s wife asked him:
“Did you bring the pictures, how do we look in the picture?"
“How else would we look,” said Hisam “One of us is standing, and the other is sitting.”
Hisamning ayali uningdin soraptu:
- Hèliqi süretni ekeldingzmu, qandaqraq chüshüptimiz?
-Qandaq chüshettuq, deptu Hisam, - birimiz öreturup, birimiz olturup chushuptimiz.
An exploiter was holding a sheep and a person showed it to Hisam and said:
“Look Hisam, he is asking $100 for this lean sheep, why is this sheep so expensive?”
“If you want to buy it go ahead,” said Hisam, “This is a special sheep.”
“What makes it special?” said the surprised man.
Hisam said:
“Because it was fed grass from the roof” he said.
Jazanixor bedik tutup turghan qoyni birsi Hisamgha körsitip deptu:
- qarighina Hisamka, mushu iskilitni yüz som deydu, nèmanche qimmet qoy bu?
- alghening bolsa yanma uka, - daptu Hisam, - alahide qoy bu.
- neri alahide? - Heliqi kishi heyran buptu.
Hisam deptu:
- Ögzide otlighan - de.
“Sir, last week you fixed a watch of mine and it still doesn’t work!”
“What doesn’t work?”
“It’s slow”
“You come for that?” said the surprised Hisam, “If it’s slow, why don’t you just move it forward!”
Hisam jan bèqish üchün saetsarliq qilip yürgen künlerning biride, birsi dewagha keptu:
- ustam, ötken heptila remunt qilghan saetingiz yene bolmaywatidu!
- neri bolmaywatidu?
- arqida qèliwatidu.
- shuningghimu kèlemsiz? - deptu Hisam heyran bolup, - arqida qalghan bolsa, pat-pat aldigha mangdurup tursingizla bolmidimu!
A neighbor of Hisam’s was an arrogant boss, throughout the year he brought home milk from his work. One day that man asked Hisam:
“I have gotten old, I think I should retire…”
“How could you do this?” said Hisam startled, “I think that you should never retire!”
“Why not?” said the amazed neighbor.
Hisam explained to him:
“If you retire, who will bring home the milk from your work?”
Hisamning qoshnisi salapetlik bir bashliq bolup, yilboyi idarsidin öyige süt toshuydiken. Shu kishi bir küni Hisamgha meslihet saptu:
- qèrip qaldim, pèniyige chiqay deymen…
- bu qandaq bolidu? - deptu Hisam chöchup,- mèningche hergiz chiqmang!
- nèmishqa? - deptu heyran bolup qoshnisi
Hisam chushenduruptu:
- siz pènseyige chiqip ketsingiz, idaringizdin sutni kim ekèlidu?
During the time Hisam still lived in an apartment he held a party.
One friend from out of state was present and during the party he became drunk and yelled a lot making others upset:
“Open up!…”
That night that friend stayed at Hisam’s apartment and he kept pulling the blanket to himself, this bothered Hisam who was sharing the blanket with him. Angrily Hisam finally pulled the whole blanket towards himself and yelled:
“Open up!…”
Hisam yataqtiki chèghida olturush qiptu.
Sirttin kelgen bir aghinisimu olturushqa daxil boptu we olturush dawamida mestlikke sèlip tola warqirap bashqilarni bizar qillip tu:
- èchilip!…
Axshimi hèliqi aghinisi yataqta qonup qaptu we hedèsila yotqanni özige tartiwèlip, aware qiptu. Achchiqi kelgen Hisam bir chaghda yotganni biraqla özige tartiwèliptu - de, warqiraptu:
- èchilip!…
At the wedding reception a latecomer extended his hand in order to shake Hisam’s hand who was preparing food for the reception.
“Did you wash your hand?” asked Hisam.
“Why do you ask?” said the blushing young man.
“If you washed your hands that’s fine,” said Hisam, “otherwise both of us will go out and wash our hands”.
- qandaq deysiz? - dep qiziriptu hèliqi yigit.
- yüghan bolsingiz meyli, - deptu Hisam, - bolmisa ikkimiz talagha ten chiqip, yüyüp kirimiz.
A couple of men brought Hisam, and were planning to have a drink. They couldn’t find a knife to cut the meat so one of the men searched his pockets and asked Hisam:
“Is it okay to use a blade on a nail clipper as a knife?” Hisam immediately replied:
“It will be okay after we finish one bottle”.
Seldin Kèyin bolidu
Bir nechche yigit Hisamni arigha èlip, haraq ichishmekchi bolushuptu. Gösh toghrashqa pichaq tèpilmighaniken yigitlerdin birsi yènini axturuwètip, Hisamden soraptu:
- tirnaq alghuchning pichiqi bolamdu? Hisam derhal jawab qayturuptu:
- bir botulka tügigendin kèyin bolidu.
Someone asked Hisam:
“Hisam, your neighbor looks very arrogant, does he have a lot of power at his work?”
“Yes, he does,” said Hisam
“What kind of powers does he have?”
“He is allowed to work until he retires,” said Hisam
Birsi Hisamdin soraptu:
- Hisamka, qoshningizning söliti xèli bar iken, idarisida birer hoquqi barmu nème?
- bar, - deptu Hisam.
- nème hoquqi bar?
- pènsiyige chiqquche öz ornida ishlep turush hoquqi bar, - deptu Hisam.
Fans’ Role
On a market day,
A customer picked up a fan and said to Hisam, "Hisam, this fan looks as if I use it only twice it would fall apart."
Hisam saw how risky this situation was for his business and looked at his son and told him, "Why don't you
explain the role of a fan to the customer." Hisam's on immediately turned towards the customer and explained,
"Hey buddy, when you use this fan you don't shake the fan, instead you hold the fan tightly and shake your head at
it."
Bir bazar kuni, Hisam oghli bilen birge bazargha yelpuguch satqili bèriptu. Hèridar yelpiguchni qoligha èlip körup, Hisamgha qarap turup: "Hisam, bu yelpuguchingni ikkila qitim yelpushke ishletsem yelpuguch chokilliri putunley bir-biridin ajrap kètidighandekla turidu" deptu. Ehwalning heterligini kurgen Hisam oghligha qarap: "Yelpuguchning rolini chushendurmemsen hiridargha." dep oghlige qarap varqiraptu. Hisamning oghli derhal hèridargha qarap: "Akawuy, bu yelpuguchni ishletkende yelpuguchni silkimeysiz, yelpuguchni ching tutup turup bèshingizni silkiysiz" dep izahat bèriptu.
Les ventilateurs’ le Rôle
Sur un jour, Hisam et son fils du marché est allé au marché pour vendre des
ventilateurs. Un client a pris un ventilateur et dit à Hisam, “Hisam, ces
regards de ventilateur comme si je l'utilise seulement deux fois il effondrerait
Hisam de ” a vu comment risqué cette situation était pour son buisness et a
regardé son fils et l'a dit, “Pourquoi mettre’t vous expliquez le rôle d'un
ventilateur au Hisam de clientèle.”’le fils de s tout de suite tourné vers le
client et expliqué, “hé le copain, quandvous mettez’t secoue le ventilateur,
plutôt vous tenez le ventilateur et secouez solidement votre tête à l'il.”
The Second Time
"Dear Hisam, have you recently visited your relative in our neighberhood?"
someone asked Hisam.
"Of course," said Hisam, "This month I visited them twice."
"How come I only saw you visited once?" asked that man.
"Your doubts are correct," said Hisam, "The second time I visited them in my
dream."
Keyinki Qitim
- Hisamka, yeqinningyaqi bizning mehellidiki tuqiningizni yoqlidingizmu, - Dep
soraptu birsi Hisamdin.
- Elwette, - deptu Hisam,
- Mushu aydila ikki qitim yoqlidim.
- Ejeb men bir qitimla kordima? - deptu heliqi kishi tingriqap.
-ejeblinishingizmu toghra, - deptu Hisam, - Keyinki qitim chushumde yoqlap
kelivedim.
Hisam’s Explanation
A person who is an alcoholic was at a party and said:
“Why don’t we drink in every full moon?” he said, one of his companions made fun of him:
“If you don’t drink everyday you can’t stand it, and you say you want to drink once every full moon?”
The alcoholic couldn’t reply and Hisam explained what he meant to say:
“Don’t misunderstand him, what our friend means is that he has drank too much alcohol on this planet so now he wants to drink on the moon too!”
Hisamning Sherhilishi
Tola ichidighan birsi melum sorunda özini sipaye kösitip:
“Mushu haraq dègenni ayda ichsek – he?” dep tiken, ülpetlerdin birsi uni shangxo qiptu:
“Künde ichmisingiz chidiyalmaysiz, yene ayda ichsek deysizghu?”
Sipayichi duduqlap qaptiken, Hisam uninggha bolushqandeak gèpini sher hilieptu:
“Yaqey, bu aghinimiz yer sharida jiq ichip kettuq, emdi ayda ichsek dewatidu!”
The Knife for the Cold
At a party someone didn’t want to drink at all:
“I have a cold, and I can't kill it.”
“In that case you should drink alcohol,” Hisam said, “don’t you know, alcohol is the knife for the cold?”
Tumuning pichiqi
Olturushta birsi zadila ichkili unmaptu:
“Tumu bopqaptimen, zadila kèsilmeywatidu.”
“Emise haraqni iching,” deptu Hisamderru, “bilemsiz, haraq dègen tumuning pichiqi.”